Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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