Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize