I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
