umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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