I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
third nipple confirmed
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
