I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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