HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
