she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
