benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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