You kept calling me your small dog last night.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
