dude i'm inner monologue high
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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