there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize