He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
