I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
