how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
