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dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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