you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
