We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
