Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
