you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
