The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
