i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
