Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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