Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
