So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
