I puked a lego.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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