are you still at the devil's house?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
