when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
