Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
