The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
