I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
