he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
