So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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