he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize