If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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