In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
