During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
