I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
