Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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