Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
