good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
