i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
