In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
