i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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