My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize