I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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