Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize