that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
