So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
