Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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