My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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