let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
