That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He did a backflip because drugs
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize