can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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