i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
