Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
