Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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