Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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