My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize