My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
