what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
