I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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