i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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