I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
