my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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