Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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