Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
