You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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