This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize