I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
