North Korea, Best Korea!
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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