i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize