Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
