I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
