I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
