Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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