His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
