I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Your topless pictures make me question reality
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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