I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
