Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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