is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
