He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
