I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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