I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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