I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
