so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Too much gin, very little bucket
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
