Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
