Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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