true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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