If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I party with great urgency now.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
