Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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