I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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