I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
