guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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