Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
